mandag 17. november 2008

Lawyer jokes of the day.

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

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Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"

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Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"

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Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
Witness: "Not yet."

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Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

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Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"

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Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

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Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."

10 kommentarer:

卡臣 sa...

哈哈
No. 1!!!

Desertfox sa...

you are always number one Carson. Not many people come here.

but still....

Wish you a happy work life and a happy married life. Lots of idea to you so that you can write plenty of good stories to entertain us. :)

卡臣 sa...

Not many people come here.
邊個話?!

承你貴言先

laulong sa...

睇緊你篇貼文,食緊同事送來的 snack, haha, what a wonderful moment !

佚名 sa...

desertfox:
有點兒無奈呢^^0

Desertfox sa...

Forgot to point out that my wife studies law. I am going to show this to her one of these days to remind her to not become like that.

Laulong,
Hope you don't choke on your snack from laughing :)

佚名,
How come?

小瓶子 sa...
Denne kommentaren har blitt fjernet av forfatteren.
小瓶子 sa...

It's usual for lawyers to ask specific questions. Also, they ask questions from different angles so that if you are lying, your confession will be inconsistent.

Desertfox's wife: Where have you been yesterday night?
Desertfox: I was having a great time together with Steve in XXX club.
Desertfox's wife: How did you spend your time?
Desertfox: We drank bear, chatted a little bit.
Desertfox's wife: Any other people else there?
Desertfox: None.
Desertfox's wife: Any girls there?
Desertfox: None.
Desertfox's wife: Any Steve's friends there?
Desertfox: None.
Desertfox's wife: Have you met some acquaintances in the club?
Desertfox (starts sweating): No.
Desertfox's wife: How long have you spent in the club?
Desertfox : From 10 pm to 3 am.
Desertfox's wife: Where was Steve at 3 am?
Desertfox (sweating hard) : He went back home with a hot girl we met in the club.
Desertfox's wife: Then how about you?
Desertfox: ...........

Desertfox sa...

Bottle,
Yes, this is an interesting conversation. However, in most cases this conversation will take place BEFORE I go to the club instead of after and all the verbs in the conversation will be future tense instead of past tense.

We usually don't go out for entertainment without asking the other person in advance. So far I have only gone out once that late.

小瓶子 sa...

So far I have only gone out once that late.

Once? 一次不忠, 百次不容. 可能就是因为那次,你以后都不能再去玩啦.